Now I've Gone and Done it Again...

Hmmm. Don't know what I can say about that last post, other than I didn't mean to publish it...that is my late night ranting at it's best, and it always turns into something I regret later. But, I would like to point out that I have some awesome friends who are beautiful, smart, talented, and that I just love for sticking around through my messed up depressing teenage years when I didn't feel good enough to just be myself and caused that mindset that I described in the last post. You made me a better person, even if it took me a while to do it. :)

I've Discovered My Problem!

I finally figured out what my problem is!!! And if you say, "Oh Mindy, you have no problems, you're perfect!" then you're lieing. :) My problem is that I'm competetive. I've competed all my life, whether obviously in sports and such, or privately in other areas. Then, instead of addressing the fact that this is messed up, I get angry at outside things that I blame for making me not win. I love winning. Ever since I was little and played softball and soccer, I loved winning. I love pushing myself to my bodie's limit to accomplish something. BUT, I only do that when there is someone else involved.

I remember in high school, 10th grade I think, I had gym and we were doing sprints and being timed on them. When I ran by myself I got a decent time, but couldn't beat it. No matter what I did, I would be stuck at that time. If I ran with someone slower than me, I would either do the same or in most cases a little worse. However, if I ran with someone just a little bit faster than me, I would beat my score by a full second or more! If they were too much faster than me then I would just give up, but a little bit really pushed me. I quickly found one girl who was always just ahead of me and would always run with her. Until the end of the semester when I beat her, then I didn't progress anymore.

I competed in so many things - band (I wanted to be 1st chair clarinet, which I was for a little while and then they redid the structure, which I didn't like and I lost a lot of motivation after that), piano (there was one girl just a little better who was always selected to play last at the recitals, and everyone knew the best went last), colorguard (duh, it was a competetive sport!), swimming (when I was on the swimteam, though everyone was a lot better than me so I kind of fizzled in that area), and even my fitness. I silently competed with one of my best friends at the time, who was/is tiny skinny and several inches shorter than me. I couldn't make myself shorter, of course, and I never really conciously competed against her, but looking back I'm realizing how much I wanted to be just as skinny, or skinnier, than her. It was because of her that I really commited to my colorguard workouts and crunches. Heck, back then we did 300-400 crunches as a warm-up, and I don't think I could count the amount of pushups we did throughout the day! She was better at running than me, so I ran more. Little things, mostly. It wasn't the healthiest way to do it, (as far as mentally, I never had an eating disorder or anything like that) but I got fit and more athletic because I wanted to be as good or better than her. Then I remember one day when we were taking measurements for our uniforms and my waist was half an inch smaller than hers. I remember being so happy about that! It really makes me sick now to think of how my mind worked back then. I mean, yes I was able to accomplish a lot and push myself this way, but it makes me sick that the only way I could do that was by "beating" other people.

This brings me to the present. I'm stuck in so many areas of my life because of the lack of competition. I don't play the clarinet anymore, I never really dance anymore, I don't play the piano as much as I used to, I don't work out, I don't swim really anymore, and I don't really pick up any new hobbies anymore. Heck, I'm even stuck at a plateau for my weight. Now, I've lost a LOT of weight since having Sophie - over 50 lbs, but it that was all from Sophie (you see why I'm terrified at the thought of another kid???) But I've been stuck at the 150-152 range since January. I think this is because I don't have anyone to compete with. This is a problem, because when you spend your life competing against people like I have, I've found that it can ruin relationships and make you bitter and depressed when you don't win or when you don't have anyone to compete against. I need to fix this, and become truly happy with myself in ALL aspects so that I can start to push myself. I feel like I've come a LONG LONG LONG way since High School, in that I'm happy with myself as far as looks go as well as so happy about my family, but I need to learn how to push myself so that I can get to my goal weight without competing with someone, and learn how to pick up things that I used to love, just for the pure love of doing it and not to win a trophy or perform in front of a huge audience or met with thunderous applaus because of my talents. I need to learn how to appreciate myself, my acheivements, and my skills all on my own. This is my new years resolution (I don't care that it's may - the ones in January never stick!) is to become a better person and to stop competing and comparing myself to other people.

Lastly, I want to apologize to anyone I have have hurt or offended over the course of, well, my life, by my constant competition. I know that I haven't been the best friend to those who I couldn't "beat", and that's really the part of this that kills me the most. I know how narcissistic I sound, and how shallow, callous, and down right terrible I sound, and I don't want to be like that. So here's to changing my life for the better and becoming a better wife, mother, and friend, and most of all a better Mindy.

Slacker!

Yeah, I was just about to start a new post and realized that I have three others that I started - 2 rambling ones and 1 with nothing because I wanted to put a lot of pictures on it - that are all several months old now. Yeah...I'm awesome like that. O_o

Anyway, here's an update on us. Still not many pictures, because I just don't remember to take them, and life has been busy busy busy lately, so even if I had them I wouldn't want to upload them because of the sheer time it takes. (Yes, I know, another boring post, but you're not reading anyway, right?) ;)

House Situation: So we are STILL waiting to close on our house. It's a HUD home, and I'm just realizing now that I have no idea if I've mentioned it in any previous posts....oh well, I'm going to continue as if I have and if not, I'm sorry. :) We've sent everything in, had the appraisal and inspection done, and have been on almost daily phone calls with the realtor (her name is Kim Kohlhase and she is FANTASTIC if you're moving to the Phoenix/Glendale/Peoria/surrounding areas, just google her name!), our mortgage guy Jim, and various other peoples involved in buying out house (utilities people, home insurance people, etc.) and can I just say that my headache has been ongoing for about a month now. Whoever said that buying a house is "fun" has clearly never bought a HUD home and has never had to buy a house in another state that you've never seen in person but you have a million pictures of because your realtor is awesome. It's pretty stressful. Of course if you ask Jon he says it hasn't been stressful at all, but that's because I've been doing everything. Okay okay, not everything, but almost. I mean, I had to walk out on a visit with my aunt and her darling baby boy so I could talk to the insurance guy about setting up home owners insurance, and I don't get to see them often! (Deep breath followed by long sigh) It's okay though, it will be worth it when we have thousands of dollars less in our student loans over the next three years than we would have had we rented or bought a more expensive house. Plus, this house has a lot of potential. It's little, only about 1588 sq ft (compared to our last house which was just under 2200) but it's cute, and once we slap on some new paint and get some sort of flooring in some of the rooms it will be really sweet. Also, there's a pool, and once it's replastered (apparently a pool's plaster will start to disintegrate without water in it - good to know...) it will be my haven during those excruciatingly hot summer months.

When we move down there I may also start teaching piano lessons. I'm still lulling the idea over in my head, but I think it's something that I would enjoy. My fear though is that I won't be able to be that girl that just hides out in her house, content to be shy and lonely for 3 years - I'll have to meet people, which is almost paralyzingly scarly for me to do. It seems to be getting worse the older I get too. Don't get me wrong, if someone comes up and talks to me, or if it's over text, email, or other electronic whatever, then I'm fine and I'll talk to them for hours - but if I have to initiate a conversation or call someone I freeze up and have all sorts of anxiety. I think my brain has issues. But, I may just have to get over it because I really do think I'd enjoy it. We'll see, I need to do some more research before I decide.

Okay, now that I've gone off on a tangent, I'll try to get back on track. Another common question is "When do you guys actually move?" Answer: Not sure. Yep, can I just tell you how fun THAT is to schedule? :-\ It all depends on when we close on the house. We were hoping to close on May 27, but both my realtor and mortgage guy are not hopeful on that, so they're thinking on either May 31, June 1 or 2. Problem is that Jon's orientation is June 1 and 2. Sooooooooo, we may have to drive down there for school (and possibly closing) and then I would have to come back up to Utah and drive all of our crap down there after. Which would not be fun. Just saying. But, I shouldn't get too stressed out over it until we know what's going on. That's the great thing about HUD - they like to take their sweet time doing everything. But even once we get our stuff moved down there, we may just have to store it in the garage and stay in a hotel until the fixes on the house are made. Don't get me wrong, I really do love HUD homes for the sheer face that they are so cheap and you can really make them your own, but someday I would like to buy something that we don't have to fix. Yeah, that would be nice. :)

Other than that, nothing is really going on here. Just trying to spend as much time with family and friends as I can before the move. I'm so excited I can barely breath sometimes, and I just can't wait to start on this new leg of our life! :)

17 Months

I know, every mom says this every month their child gets older and make it sound like it's so surprising that kids age just like the rest of it, but holy cow my kid's getting big! I took her to her 17 month well-check today (why 17 months you ask? Because I had terrible insurance and didn't get her 12 month shots until she was almost 14 months old when we had new insurance and then we had to wait longer for her 15 month shots and were just going to to 18 months, but then because we're moving to AZ I wanted to go to her doctor for this one so the result was a 17 month checkup. Whew!) and she is growing like a weed! Okay, maybe not a weed, because weeds are terrible, and Sophia is just fantastic, so she's growing like a very fast growing flower. :) Here's her numbers:

Height: 31.5 (Good grief!) 55th percentile

Weight: 22.1 (yeah, basically the same since November) 25th percentile

Head: 18.3, which is the 55th percentile

So yeah, all you people out there calling my daughter a chunk - check out the numbers! Okay, so really she is still pretty chunky on the legs, and I love it - I was just surprised that she's only in the 25th! Oh well. :)

She's doing great progression wise - she's been running and climbing for a while and the other day she jumped and got both feet barely off the ground, which is normally seen in 2 year olds! And I've lost count of how many words she can say - a few months ago it was more than 20 and now it's a lot more, and I guess average is 6-10. Not that it really matters, but I like that Sophie is progressing well. :)

Also, because it's been a while since I've done a Sophie post, here are some recent pictures of her:

Easter party with Daddy

Playing outside (she was very excited about those sticks she found!)

Yeah...I touched her book. It was not mine to open, but I opened it for her and she got very very mad at me...

....and then she got over it. :)

Yeah...I need to move her crib down to the lowest setting....like now. O_o

Sophie loves to play the piano - in fact I'm not allowed to play the piano if she's in the room. She will come over and remove my hands from the keys and take my foot off of the pedal. True story.

Yep, my little Evil Knievel training for the circus. :-\

All in all Sophie is a happy, healthy, and crazy little girl that I just love so very very much! To think that 2 years ago I was just barely pregnant and now I've got a little mini marvel on my hands! :)

Life: Fast and Furious

Oh my goodness it's been a long time since I posted! I really hope this blog doesn't end up like my journal, where every few years I open it and tell it that "Hey! I'm married now!" or "Hey! We bought a house, 3 years later got pregnant, had a baby, had the house bought by UDOT, and now it's turning into a road!" Yeah, that's pretty much how I have to sum up my journal entries because of the long gaps. Anyway, I'm going to try to do better. :)

I'm afraid that this post won't have any pictures because I'm just too darn lazy to put them on here. I wish that blogger had an option to upload more than 5 pictures at a time, because I really do have a lot of them, but I hate waiting and then organizing and then having to write everything later. I'd rather write now, and eventually sometime down the road post a picture. Who knows, I may get really ambitious and post 1 picture when I'm done ranting! :) However it will stay at the top of the post so that I don't have to move it anywhere. :)

So life is insane - no other way to put it. After Jon was accepted to school I was all gung ho about getting ready to move to Arizona, but unfortunately there really was nothing I could do at that time, so I got all excited and then life fell flat for a bit. We bought a broken 2009 Ford Edge and a broken 2000 Audi TT and set to fixing them so we could sell them later and hopefully be able to buy a house. This took up every spare minute we had.

And then there was March. The last 2 weeks in March were a little crazy - I made a super cute Tutu and wings for Sophie to wear to her cousin Emily's 1st birthday party - turned out awesome and the girls were so cute! Immediately following the party we raced up to Cache Valley to drop her off at my Mom's house, stayed for dinner, and drove home around midnight. Then at 7AM the next morning we hurried and packed up all of our stuff (much faster than packing for Sophie, I must say!) and started driving. And we drove. And drove. And drove. Then, we stopped for lunch. And then we drove a bunch more. You get the idea. It was a 10 hour drive to Phoenix, but the drive down really wasn't that bad. We got there Sunday night and relaxed in the hotel room, and then starting Monday morning we looked at a bunch of rental properties in the Glendale/Peoria areas while we waited to see if we were preapproved for a home loan. Later that day we were (Yay!) and so Tuesday was spent golfing in the morning and then looking at possible houses to buy. Oh the thought of owning my own house again...makes me drool. We found out what areas we liked and found a house that we LOVED! Unfortunately we couldn't make an offer on it yet, because our loan was only approved with the expectation that we could put 20% down. Not a problem, these homes are all under $100K, so as soon as we sold the cars we had been working on we'd be set! So we got everything set with the realtor (whom I LOVE! Her name is Kim Kohlhase if anyone is moving to that area you can google her name and you'll find her - she's amazing!) and went back to the hotel to rest and get ready to leave in the morning. The plan was to go to bed early so we could leave early, but wouldn't ya know it, I GOT FOOD POISONING!!! Yeah, I spent the night running into the bathroom at least once an hour for some painful and miserable puking. I'd try to take a drink of water, and I would throw it up an hour later. So I'd try eating an ice cube, and I'd still puke it up. It was aweful. This finally ended around 4AM, so I got about 3 hours of sleep before we had to leave, but I was still sick sick sick. Needless to say, the drive back was not as nice.

Since coming home we finished both of the cars and was able to sell the Audi, but still can't find a buyer for the Ford. Which sucks, because that's the one that's worth $26,000. It's way nice and there's nothing wrong with it, but if someone can afford buying a car for $23,000 (which is what we have it listed for) then they generally don't buy from KSL. So that is my frustration right now. We need to move down to AZ at the end of next month, so if we want to buy a house, we need to sell the car in the next week, maybe 2. If we don't sell it, then we'll keep it (which I really don't mind that part!) and just rent for the next three years. (NOTE: we've done the calculations and we'll save 10's of thousands of dollars by buying, so you can see why we'd want to do that) I just hate situations where I don't know the outcome.

In other news - Sophia is still as adorable as ever. :) We had an Easter party here with the Hunter family (I planned it) and she loved the egg hunt! She didn't get very much candy, because she's a lot slower than the bigger kids, but it didn't matter because she still had a blast finding the eggs and candy and putting them in her basket. It was so much fun! I waited a LONG time (okay, not long for some, but long for me!) to be able to enjoy that, and I definitely did. :)

Well, I think this will be all for now. When I get a few minutes to spare I'll be posting some pictures and such, and hopefully Jon, Sophie and I will be getting family pictures soon so I can post those as well. Now, I'm off to do a mountain of laundry that's been taunting me for a while, wish me luck!

And look, I even posted a picture for you. :)