Not Just a Light, but a Spotlight at the End of the Tunnel!

Since I met Jon he's been saying that he'll be going to pharmacy school in "the next year or two". Well, it's been 5 years, and we're FINALLY there! After spending countless hours researching schools, studying for and taking the PCAT (twice!), submitting applications, submitting the supplemental applications (that was mostly all me, and it sucked!), paying the application fees, and going to some interviews, we finally have hope. Earlier this month (as in we left the day after Sophia's birthday party at about 5AM) we went to Glendale Arizona so Jon could interview with Midwestern University. The whole time we were there (which was just under 24 hours) I fell in love with the place and thought, "yep, I could live here". Then that same week, Jon went to Omaha Nebraska to interview at Creighton University, and when he told me all of the wonderful things about that school I thought, "Hmm, maybe Omaha would be better!"

So we started weighing our options - just in case we were accepted to one of them - and were honestly torn. They both had so many great aspects about them! Then last Friday (about 2 weeks after those interviews), we got an email saying that Jon had been accepted to one of them! I cried I was so happy! Then we had to decide if this was the right choice. Well, we've been praying hard, and we both have the same feelings about it, so as of today we payed out deposit and Jon is officially a student at Midwestern University's Pharmacy School class of 2014!

I'm so proud of him and how hard he's worked to get to this point! Every year there were new requirements and new classes he had to take, and now we're finally in! And the best part, is that this is A) An accelerated school so he'll only be in school for 3 years instead of 4 and B) It starts this next summer instead of fall! So classes will start in June and we'll be moving to Arizona probably right when classes start! I'm so excited to finally start this next chapter in our lives and to be out on our own again! (Not that I don't like living in the Hunter Hotel, but I much prefer just having the three of us to deal with!) Congrats Jon! I love you so much and you'll do great in Pharmacy school!!!

Confessions of a Crazy Woman

I'm stressed, and it's causing my anxiety to come back in full force. I haven't had to fight my anxiety for a long time - not since I was engaged! I haven't been on medication in 4 years, and now suddenly I feel the symptoms creeping up on my almost daily. They've been coming back stronger and stronger over the last month and a half or so. It sucks, and it's scary. If anyone has ever had a panic or anxiety attack before, you know how scary they can be. I've been able to train myself to get out of them and to calm myself down, but it's still terrifying to feel your self control slipping away as your muscles contract, your breathing speeds up like it can't keep up, you start to feel numb and nauseas and shaky - it's just scary. Just the physical aspects alone make you feel like you want to hide in a dark place until it goes away, but at the same time you know that by going into a dark place to hide it will only make it worse. You feel crazy and like you have no control, and your mind starts to go a mile a minute and makes it so you can't concentrate on any one thing - just a mass collage of everything and nothing.

This is how I feel just about every day lately. Sometimes it's just for a few minutes, or a very dim feeling that doesn't really affect me, and other days (like today) I'm struggling to hold it together at all times. I've been feeling like this since breakfast. I tried to sleep, watch TV, craft, clean, excercise - nothing has helped. I'm hoping that venting it out in writing will help me. I'm nauseas to the point that I don't want to eat, but I force myself to anyway because by not eating it's worse. I'm dizzy and have a hard time focusing my eyes. I feel twitchy and like if I try to hold something I'll just drop it. I feel like I've been crying uncontrollably for hours, you know that exhausted, drained, there's nothing left inside of you feeling, but I haven't cried at all (nor do I really have a reason to cry, which makes this even more frustrating for me). To just curl up in a ball and let the anxiety take over seems like such a good idea - like if I just let it run it's course it will be over and I can go about my day - but, as I've learned from experience, it won't. Besides, I can't just leave Sophia running around so I can go curl up in a ball and hyperventilate for a few hours, that's just bad parenting. (Sigh) And the most frustrating thing of all is that there is not one incident or issue that's causing this. It's just stress overall. I mean, my last full blown anxiety attack was when the hood of my car flipped up into my windshield while I was driving 65 mph. That makes sense though. Right now though, there's been no catastrophic event to trigger this - it's just stress. When Jon comes home it will be better - he can always keep me calm when I start to feel crazy like this.

Is there a point to this post? No. Just wanting to vent and thought that maybe talking about how my anxiety is affecting me would help. I hate feeling like this.

(For the record, no this is not post-partem. I had this long before I even thought of kids. At least if it were post-partem, I would have a reason for this....but I don't. I'm just a little unhinged I guess.)

1 Year Baby!

Sophia turned 1 on November 30!!! I can't believe it's gone by so fast, but I've loved every minute of it! She is such a sweetheart and even when she throws her little temper tantrums and shakes her fists or covers her face and yells, she still makes me smile every day. :)

An old co-worker of mine, Amy, was nice enough to take some 1 year old pictures for us! I don't have them all yet (her brother came home from his mission right after we did the pictures, so I told her to just get them to me whenever and to spend time with her brother), but above you can see one of them. So cute! You can find her pictures on Facebook here (unless they're blocked for privacy, in which case I'm sorry.) I'm checking with her to see if she has a website for her pictures. Anyway, before I forget here are Sophia's numbers for 1:

Height: 29 inches

Weight: 21.2 lbs

Wow she's a big girl! I know I'm kindof a pansy, but she hurts my arms to carry around for more than a minute or two! I just love her to pieces though. Anyway, here's a list of things about her at 12 months:

• Walking/running like CRAZY!!
• 7 Teeth
• Fits most 18 month clothes (12 months are usually on the small side)
• Rolls are disappearing (sad for mommy!)
• Loves to play chase and Hide-and-go-seek with daddy
• Loves walking in circles
• Started giving big cheesey smiles (where she scrunches her nose and squints her eyes - so cute!)
• Loves babies and baby dolls
• Started biting with her kisses (oops!)
• Can blow kisses
• Says Momma, Dadda/Daddy, and Bampa
• Says "Pat-Pat-Pat" with her Little Einsteins shows
• Loves reading, singing, dancing, taking baths and brushing her hair (what a girl!)
• Climbing
• Figuring out how things like blocks work
• Plays pretty well with others - us being in nursery is helping with this
• Loves to show me things
• Got her first ear infection (owie!)
• Got her new forward facing carseat

I had a list made up on the day she turned 1, but I didn't save it and the computer restarted, so yeah, this is what I can remember. So, now on to her birthday! (Warning: From here on out there are a lot of pictures - I'll try to keep the explanations brief, but we all know how I like to talk/type)

Her birthday cake on her birthay (we got Olive Garden to Go with the chocolate mousse cake, yummy!)

Nom-Nom-Nom

Oh please, no more pictures tonight!

Christmas Calendar! (She still hasn't put it together that the treats are inside of it because she's too fascinated with the pictures!)

Climbing. (Sigh)

Now we had her birthday party on December 4th (Saturday after her birthday) because Jon wasn't able to get Tuesday off. Anyway, I started preparations way in advance, but didn't plan on how long my dream cake would take. See, we had a Rainbow Bright themed party (yes, I realize that she is now practically the spokesperson for Gay Rights, but she was one of my favorite cartoons as a kid, and since Sophia won't remember this party anyway, I decided to do a throwback to my childhood.) I started making the cupcakes at about 9 or 9:30 pm (it had been a long day), and this is when I had the last of them in the oven (NOT decorated or even close to finished)

Yes, it was a long night, but I must say that with the help of adrenaline from being excited about the party and the help of my dear friend, Diet Coke (yes, I'm drinking it again, I know...) we made it through the night. It took 3 boxes of cake mix to make this cake!

I finally got done with the decorating and cleanup around 3:30AM and fell asleep around 4AM. It took a long time, but I think it turned out pretty good! I'm just glad I got the 3 lb tub of frosting and then just colored it because that was one less thing I had to make!

The day of Sophia's party was also the day we were decorating David and Rosanna's house for Christmas! Here's (almost) all of the grandkids having fun climbing!

And my sisters-in-law and I being...um...sexy? O_o

Me making Sophia's tutu while on the phone (again, it was a busy day!)

Then it was time for Sophia's party! My family all got to come down for it, except my dad who was working and Julie's husband, Phil, who was also working.

Showing off her new tutu! (I finished it just after Julie got there!)

Trying to sneak a peek at the presents

Great Grandma and Grandpa Nielsen!

Daddy, Jonnyboy, Jalynn and Cayson

Friends! Sharece (I've known forever!) and Diana (I used to work with!)

Sophia had fun playing with Great Grandpa Nielsen, he helped her reach all of the balloons!

Getting ready to eat!

The presents!

(*That is an ORIGINAL Rainbow Brite doll that I got for free! The thing is older than me!)

Jason and Sharece!

Ha ha, so I invited everyone to wear lots of colors (because of the theme) and Katie, my very best friend ever, went above and beyond! She made the party so much better just by being there, but dressing up like Rainbow Brite was just amazing of her!

(*For those who don't know, Sophia's middle name, Kate, is after Katie!)

Well then Sophia decided that she wanted presents. I was originally going to do cake first, but, well, Sophie ripped into some of the presents so we went with that route. Poor kid had had such a long day though that she kept opening a present and then laying down! Sometimes she would hug the present and lay on top of it, other times she would just lay down. I felt so bad, but it was so cute and she was a trooper!

(Hee hee, I found a fun bow! Too bad it didn't stay on the dress!)

Then came, THE CAKE!!! We added gumdrops all around (they're supposed to be the twinks that live in Rainbow land) and put the kids gift bags behind, and I think it just made the whole presentation better. Thanks Rosanna and Ryan for helping me make it look this great!

Ha ha, so dainty!

After the cake a lot of people went home (they also had kids that needed to get to bed!) and the rest of us sat and chatted while the kids all played with the toys. It was so much fun to catch up, and so nice to sit and relax for a minute!

All in all I think the party was a success! The food I had didn't turn out the best, Costco's cheese all lumped together and two of the salads didn't work out, but hey! Everything else was so great that I didn't even care! Thanks to all who came and to all who helped make my little girl's day that much more special! And Happy Birthday to my Big Baby Girl!

5 Years....

5 Years ago today, Jon asked me to marry him. Life hasn't been exactly what we thought it would be, and there have been some great times along with some bad. There has been a lot of laughing, crying, stress, successes and failures, but overall they have still been the best 5 years of my life. When I said yes to marrying Jon, I said yes to a lifetime of perfect chaos. Yep, I think that's the best way to describe it. We've never been in a fight that we couldn't resolve, and we've never once stopped loving eachother. In the next 5 years I expect there to be stress. Stress over school, homework, kids, family, traveling, money, pet peeves, etc. However, I also expect us to keep falling in love even more and to always come out on top.

I love you Jon! Here's to eternity!

11 Months!!!

I know, I have no creative titles for this, but hey! At least it's easy to reference if/when I need to! :)

Sophia is 11 months old as of Saturday! It was so fun taking her trick-or-treating knowing that in just 1 more month she would be a year old. (Yikes!) And looking at her the last week or so, I realized that I don't really have a baby anymore - she looks like a little girl now! It's sad, but fun, but sad. I'm so excited the older she gets and I love seeing how much she's changed since she was born, but I am really sad that I don't really have my little baby anymore! I know, everyone says that, but it's much different hearing it (and usually being annoyed at hearing it) and experiencing it. (Sigh) I guess I can't roll my eyes at those comments anymore. ;)

Anyway, here are Sophia's numbers:

Height: 28.5

Weight: 20.6 (yes, she lost 0.2 of a pound, but she's been hauling butt all over the place, so I'm not too worried about that)

She is still not walking (grr.) but I'm still thinking that it could happen any day. She will hold your hand and walk around, or walk while holding on to stuff, but as soon as you let go she will stop dead in her tracks and either stand there until you grab her hand again or sit down and then proceed to crawl. I know she could walk if she just tried it! She could have 2 months ago at least! But she's just too scared to try, or just doesn't feel the need to try. Who knows. Oh well, she's still super duper fun. :)

Stuff that Sophia has learned or enjoyed doing this month:

• Giving "High Fives"
• Giving many many more kisses
• Playing the "Fall Over" game with Daddy (I'll have to get a video on here, it's really cute)
• Walking around with a borrowed walker, and sometimes running with it!
• She's FINALLY acting ticklish! (I was beginning to think she wasn't my daughter!)
• Playing with her hair (with her hands or trying to brush it)
• Brushing her teeth (aka: chewing on the toothbrush)
• Throwing temper tantrums (who knew they started so young!?)
• Feeding Mommy her bottle, toys, or any food she finds
• Begging for food from anyone who appears to have anything edible
• Pushing the laundry basket around while putting stuff in it or pulling stuff out of it
• Helping Mommy with laundry (She pulls the clothes out of the basket while I try to keep up with folding!)

That's all I can think of for now, but she seems to have doubled in personality this last month, which is both fun and a little terrifying for me! :-\